


what a man would do for sex

by TechieHux



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armpit Kink, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Darth Tantrum and his Evil Space Ginger, Force Bond (Star Wars), Husbands, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jealousy, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romantic Gestures, force skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 19:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechieHux/pseuds/TechieHux
Summary: The following crackfic contains:+ Fluffy bunny slippers+ Kylux+ Force Skype+ Armpits in the sexual way+ Romantic dinner





	what a man would do for sex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Glass_Oceans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glass_Oceans/gifts).



A month after Ren force-chokes his husband, he tries to initiate sex.

Hux officially remained in his own austere, minimalistic quarters even after they’d discretely tied the knot a year ago, despite ending up in Ren’s every night. Every night until Snoke’s brutal murder, that is. Now he’d taken to ghosting around the periphery of Ren’s presence; not hidden, but distant. Their verbal exchanges were terse and far-between, never mind the more… _carnal_ exchanges.

Ren does what any horny, frustrated husband would do: he angrily shoves the lock override code onto the keypad, resisting the temptation to force the durasteel door open and crumple it up like tinfoil and balling it up in his hand. There would _definitely_ be no sex if he did that.

Nothing about the room has changed since they last time he’d been here. It’s still near-empty, dark, and hardly lived in, except for the curled-up bump under the thin bed covers where Hux has no doubt passed out. His sleep is mystifyingly deep for someone who so rarely partakes.

When Ren takes a few heavy steps forward, the bump shoots up from the bed, covers flying off, to expose an instantly alert Hux with heavy black bags under his eyes. The white tank he wears to sleep is sliding off his pale, thin shoulder even as he squares them, ready for a fight.

Ren, meanwhile, licks his lips and feels his cock twitch. Hux goes more and more rigid the closer he gets, until nothing but inches separates their faces and Ren slides onto the side of the bed. His large, warm hand clamps onto his husband’s shoulder and squeezes the tense muscle there until Hux parts his lips and stifles a moan. Evidently, it’s been a while for _him,_ too. Good! Hux was a loyal cur, whether by a lack of opportunity or by choice.

He curls himself to slot against Hux, skin-to-skin, sliding down a hand to cup the front of Hux’s form-hugging shorts. Slutty little thing. His force-null sweetheart suddenly snarls and violently pulls away, staring at Ren with eyes that flash like pale blue thunder. “ _Unhand me.”_

What the fuck? Ren pulls back, teeth bared as a beast would and clenches his fists until they turn paper-white. “What the _hell,_ Hux? Get back over here and show me your tiny ass.” It’s a tight, sexy ass.

Disgusted, Hux rolls to the far end of the bed and throws one half of his fluffy bunny slippers at Ren’s head. “You _really_ think your foul penis is going anywhere near me anymore? You’re a bigger fool than I thought, Ren! Why don’t go you stick your dick into the scavenger like you clearly ache to do? Maybe choke _her_ instead of me, hmm?” His husband is seething, too wrapped up in his own righteous indignation to care that he’s smack-talking **the** Supreme Leader.

So that’s what this bullshit is about.

Ren protests, “There’s no way you’re actually _upset_ about this—“

“I feel like I  _do_ have a right to be upset, but please, continue,” sniffs Hux, snooty with his nose in the air.

Kylo Ren is certain of two things, both equally important: Hux might be a backstabbing little bitch but he’s _his_ bitch, and nightly mind-blowing sex is worth the risk. The second fact is this: Getting Rey on his side was about her _power_ , not her cobwebbed, dusty cunt. He’d just have to explain to Hux that he wanted to **fuck** Hux, and **fuck over** Rey. Simple explanation, right?

“Hux,” Ren begins in that cloying, mocking tone, propping himself up on an elbow and reaching out one of his stupidly-big bear paws towards him.

Abrupt, Hux cuts him off with a sharp sneer, “Let me guess. You only meant well? Of course you did.” There’s something about the twitch of the tip of his nose and the tremor in Hux’s bottom lip that makes Ren pause. Is he honestly upset _?_ The _crying_ type of upset?

Mouth dry and eyes wide with disbelief, Ren sits up fully and opens his mouth to speak when his husband drops his gaze to the floor, stretching out a single finger to point towards the door.

“No longer will I let you fuck my armpits, or any other part of me. Out, Ren.”

_Fuck! No! No no no no no NO! That’s the best part of the sex!_

Had he not been stunned into stupidity, Ren would have been purposefully cranked up his asshole factor and left another ring of Force-inflicted bruises on Hux’s neck. Little rat bastard would probably have gotten an erection from it.

Furrowing his dark brows and matching Hux’s sneer, fury rising, Ren huffs and puffs like the Big Bad wolf would, wishing he could rip his husband’s pretty lips clean off his face and chew them until they were paste in his mouth. Or maybe he was just hungry, horny, and hurt as hell…

“Fuck you! Your armpits aren’t even that sexy! Mitaka’s were better.” Clearly, he wasn’t welcome here anymore, so Ren stormed out of the room - _their_ room, really- and didn't look back, not even once. Except he did. Multiple times. He cried a little too because _damn_. He’d miss the sex. ~~And Hux.~~

 

* * *

 

 Two days later, Hux arrives to his quarters completely spent. Not a thread on his uniform is out of place, nor a single red hair free of gel, and yet the heavy black bags under his bleary eyes give him away. So exhausted is he that the first signs of a disturbance in the sanctity of his domain don’t register straight away. The low lights don’t help, either.

Hux walks right by the set table with lit, spiced candles and a minimalist bouquet of flowers. Right past Ren, who sits at the second seat in a form-fitting Officer’s uniform and his thick black locks tied back in a loose bun. He stands in deference when Hux zips by, reaching a hand out to catch his husband by the shoulder.

Surprised, Hux makes a high shrieking noise like a rat would when caught in a trap and Ren pulls him into his strong arms. “What are you—“ he starts, only for Ren to nose at the shell of his ear and whisper, voice low:

“Shut up, Armitage, and trust me for once.” At Hux’s raised eyebrow and unimpressed look, Ren strokes his calloused fingertips over the soft skin of the redhead’s cheek, gazing deeply into his eyes. No Force mind-control going on here, of course. Just lust-drenched animal magnetism and a deeply buried, never-discussed wisp of affection.

Hux’s eyes are dark, pupils wide, and when he opens his mouth to answer, Ren presses the pad of his thumb to the chapped bottom lip. A quick swipe to the right and the lip splits, a trickle of blood pooling there. Ren drops his face down to kiss the drops away, smiling into their kiss when he feels the tension drain from his husband’s body.

“Let me make this up to you,” Ren breathes, putting space between them to comfortably intertwine their hands while he pulls Hux towards the table. He’s still unconvinced, but the kiss has reignited the desire for sex, and Hux will never turn down flattery and pampering because the sycophant thinks he deserves it. “I’ll treat you like you _should_ be treated, babe.” And then they’ll have **sex** again!

They sit down together, and Ren slips his hand over Hux’s on the tabletop. “I got you Tarine tea, red wine, and scented candles,” he boasts, grinning, chest puffed out with pride and eyes sparkling. “I know you like that stuff.”

Hux furrows his brows, looking mildly surprised and a little wary. “I didn’t think you’d remember,” he admits, voice a tiny bit softer than usual. It’s the start of a victory!

He runs his thumb gently over Hux’s knuckles, feeling the waves of desire roll off him. They sip wine and make small talk until Hux’s cheeks are rosy and the atmosphere is almost… pleasant. Romantic.

“There are two more surprises,” Ren murmurs some time later from his rather comfortable position between Hux’s legs under the table. His breath ghosts over the burgeoning tent of his husband’s erection, and every so often while he speaks, he’ll give it a rough suck through the fabric.

Head thrown back and thighs trembling under his heated touch, Hux pants, somehow still sarcastic, “Wow me, Ren.”

“I think…” a kiss, “that you deserve…” Ren loosens Hux’s belt, “a _promotion_. **Grand Marshal** Hux.”

The ragged breath Hux takes in can be blamed on more than Ren’s skilled mouth or the cool, recycled air hitting his flushed cock. Still, he’s not completely given himself up to the idea of a good, hard fucking.

Ren adds, after tonguing at the precum on his husband’s tip, “I can even sweeten the deal. What if I were to tell you that the scavenger has been watching us this whole time through the Force?” He sucks a hickey into the pale skin of his thigh, fighting back a wolfish grin.

_That_ is what gets Hux going. What a depraved, prideful little weasel Ren’s husband is! He almost feels fond for a nanosecond.

“ _Ren,”_ Hux moans, taking his face in his hands and dragging him up for a bruising kiss that’s half for show and half a true, desperate need. “Bed! Now. Have her see who you belong to.”

More than happy to comply, Ren picks his husband up and throws him unceremoniously onto their bed before crawling over him and _pounding_ Hux into the mattress. He moans whorishly the entire time and it’s frankly _delicious._

Ren smiles privately once it’s all over, with Hux snug against his chest (passed out from the four rounds of sex they’d had.)

He’d neglected to tell Hux that Rey had severed their pseudo-bond quite some time ago, but…

Details, details.

 

 


End file.
